If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
we're at Rob's house and just invented the best drinking game ever....we are on Chatroulette and everytime we see a dick we all have to drink.
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
I couldn't be more proud to be a cougar. Just wondering how these twenty somethings learned how to fuck so well? Must be porn.
Randomize
