I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
Its like a 4.5 hour drive but there's drinking involved so I'm destined to go
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
I can neither confirm or deny any bear related allegations right at this time.
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
I just spent 20 mins in the shower washing n rewashing my body to get rid of stripper. I even loofa'd my face.
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
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