i wish starbucks made bloody marys
We have nothing in common but the sex rocks, would it be awful to develop a drug habit just to have a topic of conversation?
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
WHEN YOU HAVE SEX WITH A GUY FROM A DIFFERENT COUNTRY YOURE SUPPOSED TO NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
Star Wars means nothing to me. I know only the basics. Darth is Luke's father. R2 is short, C3 is gold. Yoda sings Rainbow Connection. The kinda stuff EVERYONE knows.
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
Randomize
