think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
so how was last night?
got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
My vagina just clenched in fear
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
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