I feel like I'm in dance class right now
she looked like the bat from fern gully.
Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
It's an acquired taste. Like keystone. Or caviar.
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
enjoying your night?
do dogs like to salsa?
I dont know if that answers my question or not
Randomize
