sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
me and my sister are feeding my dog poprocks. this is proof you don't need a lot of money to have fun.
I wish they had a smiley of two girls making out
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
I think about him when I masturbate so I guess you could call it love
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
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