Thong +tight pants =hungry butt. Not a good look on big women! Walmart sucks.
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
This gyro tastes like lonliness
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
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