why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
we have officially mastered the walk of shame
but what if he tries to talk dirty to me with the lisp?
I'll show rhose boucners: You don't let me in, I poop on your pool.
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
So was I the only one that was competing in the whale hunt?
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
Randomize
