it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
then my best friend's brother, boyfriend, and future bro in law showed up at the bar. they asked who i was there with. didn't know if "a 40 year old man" or "my 5th grade teacher" was better answer.
my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
The video of him doing the dougie made me telling him I didn't want a relationship, just his virginity so much easier.
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
Drunk is not a location!
On another note I never thought having a drug addicted stalker would prove useful
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
We are back but we are listening to stairway to heaven in my car. Amy is air drums. Be back when it's over.
For the love of all that is holy just take the tranquilizers Erica
Randomize