I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
I do remember that in my dream I wasn't impressed with his dick.
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
I burned my tit while he banged me and it was still the best kitchen sex EVER!!!
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
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