She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
CNN just did a special on how to do heroin safely.. I recorded it for us
The Shake Weight not only toned my arms but significantly improved my hand job form and efficiency.
I still can't figure out why that's not in the commercial.
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
Would you and/or him be willing to dress up like the phantom, sing me music of the night and then bone the shit out of me? this is important.
I just remember lots of butts and something about ranch dressing.
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
Randomize
