He said he was just looking at my pictures and was thinking about how he wanted to cut my hair..then dye it black and put platnium blonde extensions throughout it and layer my hair
i do not condone bathtub ky wrestling
i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
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