guy in front of me on the bus did 12 yrs, hes teling me about how to knife fight
i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
Totally forgot this... How weird was it when they were licking our faces
hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
HIS NAME IN MY PHONE IS JOSHUA DREAMCHASER I CAN NOT
NO SHAME NOVEMBER
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
Nothing quite like spending your evening singing Shania Twain I Feel Like a Woman barbershop quartet Style with some homeless guys outside of Keyport liquor. love Shania Twain. How's your Sunday?
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