I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
well I mean we knew we had more drinkers than runners, so we had a "case race for the cure" for relay for life instead of an actual marathon. day drinking and philanthropy. can't go wrong.
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes.
hitting rock bottom is getting taziki in your hair & simply putting it in a bun instead of actually dealing with it, just like your problems
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
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