Fire inspection over. Blunts are OK
No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
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