Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
She woke up 3 seperate times, each time she had a look of pure terror on her face, she had no clue where she was.
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
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