went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
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