OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
Randomize
