My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
I wonder if they have a "21st birthday" section in the hospital..
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
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