Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
She looked like Sean Connery with cleft lip. So to answer your question, yes I put it in her butt.
I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
slut bingo starts in ten minutes ...
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
Appreciate the offer but I'm a huge fan of penis
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
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