Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
Is it love? I honestly haven't even thought about watching porn for over a week now, and haven't thought about fucking any strangers either. It's quite eerie.
Gina was bawling her eyes out and then she ran into the street and peed. she kept screaming "LOOK WHAT YOUVE DONE TO ME"
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
Randomize
