Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
Randomize