STUCK IN CAPS. WANA GET AFTER IT TOMORROW?
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
and he's drinking a bud lime in his profile pic meaning i can out drink him, meaning i would clearly be the alpha in our relationship
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
there are not enough nopes in the world for that situation.
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
Randomize
