if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
Redeem this text for a blowjob
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
Sustenance and doggy style.. the only two things I need
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
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