i think the fact that he graduated high school the year i graduated elementary school is sexy.
I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
I realized after pounding back 151 and head banging into each other to "the drop" of that dub step song, that we weren't meant to have boyfriends at this point in time.
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
Randomize
