i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
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