OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
There is resin on and IN the refrigerator. Its even on the food. My god, what happens to you?
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
Randomize
