i've alrwady decidided boys hate me plkease take notyes.
what
nvm
Definitely just saw the guy I went on a date with Friday night dressed in medeival knight gear on the quad preparing for battle. Oh my God.
Well hey if hot cowboys are involved then all bets are off.
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
Randomize
