He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
Randomize
