Porn is love you can see.
I think I died a long time ago.
Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
Randomize
