Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
Ok that kid was ether gay or 12 with a beard.
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
He keeps singing a song about someone called the dayman.
....fighter of the Nightman?
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
Randomize
