I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
just saw someone whip out a flask during lecture... I think I found a study partner
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
I am one with the molecules
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
Randomize
