booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
she screamed"i told you already! counter clockwise spiral and the clockwise spiral!!" right in the middle of sex
wow, i never thought dating a choreographer would be so harsh
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
The only flat surface we had was a cheez it box so we snorted the blow off of that. Rock bottom really isn't that bad.
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
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