Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
Joe is yelling at the trees again.
we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
We're knee deep in HJ's right now.
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
Randomize
