now i know why i became what i already was.
four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
yea last night was a repeat of newyears...exept this time it ivolved a fish costume, throw up, a hole in the roof, and cops...lots of cops
It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
I wouldn't say I LOVE Pacman. I mean, sure, I'd battle against you in an epic Pacman struggle for blow jobs and glory. But I mean, who wouldn't?
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
Need advice bro. Which one should I take: the blonde devil crying in the corner or the brunette crawling on the floor acting like a dinosaur??
Randomize
