if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
Alcohol and IMDB don't always mix with 100% accuracy
Honestly the prospect of dick really lifts a girl's spirits
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
Randomize
