Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
SOME GIRL GOT MAGGOTS IN HER COOCH FROM EXPERIMENTING WITH MAYO!
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
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