i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
I once puked on the side of the hwy driving home and it somehow made me feel more Canadian. So don't rule it out
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
THE SUN DOESNT SET TIL 647 YAAAAASSSSSSSSSS. Goodbye seasonal depression hello regular depression
Randomize
