I CAN MOONWALK!
I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
we just drove by a car that was painted for a grad, it said "you done it!" with a confederate flag bumper sticker next to it. i love kentucky
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
Everything that you guys said happened came back to me. like a tidal wave of regret.
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
were drug buddies, doing lines off her ass is just a bonus
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
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