If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
My teacher just let our class out 30 minutes early, its a 50 minute class. He said the only thing we had to do was get fucked up tonight and have stories about it on Monday.
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
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