I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
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