I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
He pulled his pants down and said blow me, while passing out on my bed. I then pulled his pants up as he continuously started moaning in the background.
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
Randomize
