he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
i keep looking at my boobs and it just baffles me how he could give this up.
You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
how drunk are you?
Several
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
Randomize
