just so you know, the whole club saw your tits last night. and booed.
Is it bad everytime a fat person orders fraps I want to tell them to slow their rolls
You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
"reccomended dose" hasn't been in my vocabulary for quite some time.
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
Sorry dude, one minute I was flirting with a bachelorette party from Dallas and the next I’m being tied to the bed by the bride
Trying to wrangle us an invite to the wedding
Randomize
