Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
I'm more concerned as to why he has a playlist entitled Dem Club Beats.
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
True but, who really needs money in europe? Just barter with sexual favors. A bowl of cereal is worth a blowjob.
What is this nonsense on the table
Your idea.
I mean the hole taco that was chewed up and spit out
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
We're sort of like brothers. Except with more sexual tension. And we don't look alike. Or are related.
So we're not much like brothers really.
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize
