I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
Nobody is wearing shirts anymore. What is happening.
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
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