Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
I went through his pics. Will you go with me to get tested?
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
btw my frat has a search out for you. the "girl who threw up in the middle of the party" but it was on some fat girls. so thank you.
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
You are a genius and a whore.
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
Randomize
