How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
Two of the boys I banged while living in that house are about to move into it hahhaaha
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
Randomize
