To answer your question of whether I "went back," tits just informed me I was kicked out for falling off my barstool and passing out on the floor...
update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
Randomize
