I puked a lego.
I guess she didn't feel like it. There was hair all over it and everything
My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
have i crossed some slutty boundary when gay guys are sending me cock pics?
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
Just drug him and when he wakes up say "You just woke up from a coma, we've been married for 5 years." It'll be like The Vow but fucked up.
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
The uberlube is also flammable
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
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