Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
i signed up to donate 10 dollars a month to help the children that are being displaced in columbia because of the drug wars.. i felt obligated
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
Randomize
